Introduction
Most of the information shared here regarding Grandparenting is divided into specific categories:
Creative Activities To Do With Grandchildren
Long Distance Grandparenting
Blended Family Grandparenting
Spiritual Formation and
Raising Your Own Grandchildren
This section is a compilation of suggestions which can be used in any setting.
Under construction
Treat your grandchildren as though you believe in them no matter what. Remember they are in a process and not yet finished!
Pray for your grandkids ... not so much about their problems, but ask God what He wants to do in their lives and pray those characteristics into their lives.
Your legacy of values
Make a list of the family values you want to pass on to your grandchildren, then look for ways to impart those values. One way is to tell stories of your childhood which taught you something about one of these values:
1. Keep your word
2. Be Reliable
3. Be Responsible
4. Be Hospitable
5. Live with Integrity
6. Work hard and honestly
7. Learn total dependence on God
8. Be a Peacemaker - learn to resolve problems
9. Demonstrate a Servant attitude
10. Show your love by words and actions
11. Know the value of money and the right attitude toward it
12. Be content with single living when that is your role
13. Value education and treat it as a privilege not a right
14. Be transparent and open with people
15. Practice laughter and being joyful
16. Be Honest
Be prepared
As grandparents we need to make our passing from this life as clean as possible. Make sure our legal issues are in order (Wills and Trusts, life-sustaining issues, burial decisions, Insurance policy benefactors and locations of all such documents). Identify heirlooms, furniture, pictures, etc, indicating to whom you wish each to go by labeling them or listing them in the will/trust documents, prepare a list of assets (properties, bank accounts, debts, policies, etc.).
Crossing Generational Cultures
Our grandchildren represent a different set of emerging cultural values. Since many of the values adopted by the younger generation are the result of weaknesses they see in their parent's and grandparent's values, grandparents often find it hard to accept their grandchildren's expressions of life. To overcome that fragmentation, we need to be sensitive to their culture, try to understand how these values and practices have developed, own up to the fact that it may be because of the inconsistencies they see in our generation, and therefore be more accepting of who they are and how they are living. Try not to criticize them; rather, understand why they have adopted different expressions than ours - their style of dressing, body piercing, hanging out, communication, etc. This can build great bridges of understanding and acceptance and give opportunity to talk about the foundational values which give rise to our expressions.
Be careful not to develop a conspirator relationship with your grandchildren. Try not to say things like ''don't tell your parents ... this is just between you and me.'' If you are experiencing a problem with your own children, work that out with them, but do not try to do it through the grandchildren. It will create difficulties between all involved, rather than heal the situation.
Boundaries
Realize that your grandchildren are clever, and if they are needy, they are adept at manipulation. Be careful of inequitable gift giving, time spending, and compliments.
One of the best ways to develop wholeness in your grandchildren is to have strong friendships with your own kids - the parents of your grandchildren.
Be adept at seeing through your grandchildren's attempts to take advantage of you. Know what their parents have set as boundaries and hold to them. Teenagers will look for ways to discover freedoms their parents have not yet allowed. Trying to get them on your good side by fudging on those rules will cause them to lose respect for you as well as damage your relationship with your own children.
High-Tech
Life is significantly shaped by the use of computers. If you have lagged behind in learning to use the computer, it is time to abandon that tactic. Learn to use the computer! Learn how to send emails and pictures, how to use Instant Messaging, (IM), and how to look up anything you need to know on the web: phone numbers, maps, addresses, weather, travel information, recipes, on and on ... anything you can think of. That wasn't true when you were growing up, but it is now. Some of us find a bit of comfort and pride in letting people know how illiterate we are on the computer. Come out from behind that excuse and enter a little more into your grandchildren's world. You will take huge steps towards your understanding and acceptance of your grandchildren, and they will appreciate you even more.
Catch on to what blogs are and use them.
Learn how to send text messages on your cell phone. This can be a great way to get a message through when they can't answer the phone. (In school, at work, doing homework, etc.)
High Touch
Make a list of all your grandchildren's birthdays. Always remember them on their special day ... a card, a call, a text message, a hit on their web site blog, a gift.
Have a chat with your grandchild where you simply ask, ''How is life right now for you?''
Two important times in a grandchild's day are after school and at bedtime. If you are close enough, look for opportunities to spend these special times with them at an early age; as they grow into teens, they will still look forward to those times. Tell stories, do rituals, sing songs. If you are not close, be intentional about using these times with them when you are visiting each other.
Support
All of us need help to do a better job in areas we are trying to develop. Consider forming a Grand Parenting support group of some kind. Maybe form a Grandparenting club or small group through your church, or find an association related to grandparenting in your area. Come together to discuss grandparenting issues, encourage each other, get ideas from each other, host a small Grandparenting Conference and have workshops/discussions on grandparenting topics.
Life-long research
Embark on a research project to learn about your family's genealogy. Include the grandchildren in the web-related research. Let them get information and contribute to the findings. Publish everything you find and get copies to each family. Make that part a grandchild/grandparent project.
Establish an annual tradition of contributing to a charity or needy area of the world each year. This could be at Christmas or Thanksgiving. Each family contributes funds towards the goal. Also, instead of just staying together for that holiday, have the whole family get involved in a project centered around that holiday. (Thanksgiving - find a place that is feeding needy people and go volunteer. Christmas - purchase gifts for a needy family and take the gifts to them)
Help Keep Your Grandkids Healthy
A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association confirms what many people have been suspecting: America's children aren't in very good shape physically.
The study, conducted by scientists at Northwestern University tested 3,110 teens ages 12-19. Each of them was tested on a treadmill to see how much exercise they could do. Over one third, that is right, 33% of the teens were found to be physically unfit in these tests. They could only walk for a few minutes before becoming exhausted and having to stop.
The article further pointed out that unfit teens are likely to become obese and suffer from heart disease as adults. In fact, many are not waiting for adulthood. Evidence indicates that more children are developing previously adult only diseases like high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and adult onset diabetes.
Clearly our youth are not active enough to stay fit, and the reasons are quite apparent. There is less gym time in schools. Parents are scared to let their children play unsupervised outdoors. Most of all, where much children's play used to be physical, now it is often sedentary, based around computers, video games, and televisions.
What can a grandparent do? A lot, actually. Children are more likely to accept advice and guidance from their grandparents than from their parents. Also, grandparents determine much of the way children play by the gifts they give them and how they spend time with their grandchildren. Here are some pointers that can make a lot of difference in the health of teens and ultimately the overall health of America.
Buy children toys that encourage physical activity. There is something to fit every budget, from jump ropes and kites to roller skates and bicycles. Even sidewalk chalk will get them moving.
Pay for their memberships to Little Leagues, indoor soccer arenas, and other organized sports. Or, buy them gift certificates to roller rinks, ice skating rinks, swim clubs, etc.
If you belong to a swim club or gym, see if you can take your grandkids along.Instead of taking your grandchildren to the movies, take them to a park or for a long walk in the neighborhood. This also gives you time to impart wisdom that is at least as important as the exercise.
If you take them shopping, walk a few extra laps around the mall. Thank them for helping you get your exercise.
Also remember, nutritional habits are also set when we are young. It is no secret our children eat too much junk food and not enough fruit, vegetables, and grains. Here is another opportunity for Grandma or Grandpa to come to the rescue. Make their favorite pasta dish with whole-grain pasta, or add vegetables into the sauce. Introduce them to your favorite fruit-filled dessert.
Set an example and teach America's future how to be healthy by getting exercise and eating right.
This article was written by Gary Applebaum, M.D.
